Breaking the Dance of Dysfunction

Always come from loveEvery now and then I hear from someone who has expressed they did not appreciate something I’ve said or written. And this comes from all sides and on all subjects so it’s not that there is a particular individual that I’m considering as I write this.

Rather, this is a phenomenon that happens every now and then that always causes me to struggle just a little because – the truth is – I wish that I could reach everyone with a message of hope, healing and the potential we each carry as the creators of our “best life”.

But the reality is that we are all on different places on this path and not everyone is always ready for where I’m at on mine as far as what I feel inclined to write about or something I may have shared on social media.

So when this happens I always trust that our paths have crossed for a reason and that the lesson I need to learn will help me to do better in the future and that they will find what they need for where they are on their path, elsewhere.

Recently I was considering this and the lessons I’ve learned along the way:

Those who are the most wounded are also very often struggling to communicate what they need. What they say and how they say it is about them, not you. The biggest challenge we face? Is to be able to be conscious about this so that we don’t end up with our own issues “triggered” and reacting to them in anger or hurt aka “the dance of dysfunction”.

Oftentimes when we are emotionally triggered we will direct our anger towards someone or something outside of us simply because that is what we learned in the drama, trauma, and dysfunction. We are often functioning from the fight, flight, freeze response when we lash out. Something inside of us has been triggered by something that someone has done or said or some circumstance that “feels like” our past trauma/stress experiences or reminds us of another time that we felt we were experiencing something difficult.

Compassion and kindness is possible only when we can let their words and difficult energy pass by rather than taking it as a personal attack or as something about us. It is also important we can realize this is the visible and audible expression of their inner pain rather than an “attack” on us. 

Keep in mind that compassion does NOT mean we continue to expose ourselves to those who are hurtful to us or lashing out at us but that we can distance ourselves with compassion for their struggle and trust they will find their way even if we cannot be a part of their journey.

Let every action come from love and when we can’t do that we create time and space that allows us to love from a distance.

With love, gratitude and appreciation that we can continue to share the journey.

Susan

PS….things are moving along for me health wise. My surgery is scheduled for the end of April. I’ve reduced my commitments and responsibilities and want to thank those of you who have sent notes. I’m sorry I’m not up to responding to everyone individually; please know that my heart is full of gratitude for your support and encouragement. For more about this part of my journey go here. 

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