The thing about emotional and psychological/mental pain?
Is that we naturally look around us at what is causing us pain but we are not taught how to look inside for our solutions.
Pain tells us that something needs to change in our lives.
For those who come from healthy backgrounds and families this can mean that we can ask for what we need and expect our needs to be respected and, in one way or another, met. These relationships allow for fair exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas. It is possible to say “I need this from you” and trust that the door to mutual communication, respect and resolution is possible.
The thing for those of us from backgrounds of drama/trauma and dysfunction, though?
Is that our needs don’t matter in the drama/trauma and dysfunction. We can try to dance around, try to figure out how to say it just right, or maybe we have learned to not ever ask for our emotional needs to be met and instead stuff it until we can’t stand it. In this case we get pegged as the “problem” when the only way we know how to express our pain is through shutting down, acting out or blowing up.
So we can learn from this how to meet our needs on our own.
- We stop looking to “work things out” with those who have proven that things don’t work out
- We let go of the hope that things will change
- We accept that, at this time anyway, those in our lives are unable to see that the things they do and say have an impact on us
- We let go of the anger by accepting that this is what it is
- We can realize our feelings of overwhelm as “I feel hopeless, helpless and powerless” and then use this to guide to our answers
- We find hope by realizing that it doesn’t have to stay this way for us
- We choose to move on and learn how to find relationships where we matter instead of putting up with being treated as though we don’t
Pain is a given.
Suffering is optional.
Learning to listen to our pain will help us to stop the suffering.
What hurts? What has hurt for a long time?
What or who did you or do you expect to change so you can stop hurting?
Can you learn to recognize your pain and use it to guide you to passion?