When we are living our life without a clear purpose we can often find ourselves struggling.
We feel incomplete and seek out distractions like getting overly involved in others lives, zoning out on tv, overeating or not eating, depression, dissociation/disconnection, picking a fight or avoiding one by refusing to communicate because we can’t tolerate conflict – through whatever means we “avoid” dealing with our stuff – is our “normal”.
Distractions. The things we do to maintain a level of homeostasis.
The things we do to avoid feeling our feelings. The things that when we don’t have them – we will replace with some other distraction and if we can’t distract we may blow up, run away or shut down (fight, flight, freeze stress response).
The thing is when we use distractions to not have to deal with the feelings?
Those pesky feeling will always demand our attention in one way or another.
Maybe we have a tendency to blow up, to be reactive when things are outside of our comfort zone – that place where anything beyond it causes us to feel emotionally overloaded and overwhelmed.
Or maybe our thing is to take off. To simply not deal with stress or conflict in any form. Shopping, drinking, using drugs to escape (legal or otherwise) become common strategies for us from backgrounds where expressing our own thoughts and feelings was not ok.
Or maybe our thing is to shut down when we hit “tilt” and call it “depression”. Or maybe we even go so far as to zone out to such a degree we aren’t sure what day it is or what we’ve done with our last days, weeks, months or even years – dissociation as a coping strategy for many from lives of trauma, drama and dysfunction can become a normal response and easy out when life feels to big to managed.
So what would happen if we were able to make a mind shift from doing whatever we can to avoid life and started creating the life we want?
When we are able to learn to deal with our stuff when it comes up we no longer have to avoid it. (Search for the essay “Big Feelings” for more on this).
And when we find our purpose we no longer have to distract ourselves to begin with. (Although we still benefit from learning to recognize when we are avoiding vs dealing/coping in healthy ways).
It IS possible to learn how to use our pain to fuel our purpose when we are able to look at what stirs our passion.
And while your passion may be to “change the world” by helping others to find their way the way you did, save every animal from suffering, promote healthy lifestyles for obese kids, stop child trafficking or end sexual abuse?
Your “big” or overarching passion is often directing you to do what you can, where you can to be the change you can.
THIS is how we “change the world”.
By letting go of the idea that doing a little bit where are by ourselves doesn’t make a difference.
Because it is the only thing that does.
Today a share from Dr Wayne Dyer on letting your purpose find you. There’s a great video at the end – I think you’ll like it.