How is Helping Harmful? (Healing Relationships)

How is Helping Harmful? (Healing Relationships)

Thought for today….. Relationships are often difficult for us survivors of bad things. Something I’ve picked up along the way? Is accepting others where they are, as they are  VS where we think they should be…. Goes a long way to making relationships work better. When we decide what others need to…

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There Was A Reason

From the Empowering Solutions Facebook page archives…. There was a reason I struggled and suffered and it wasn’t because something was “wrong” with me but that I’d been conditioned from early on to tolerate the intolerable; to not resist, to surrender my power, to be compliant and obedient. My empowering…

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Diagnosis or Dynamics? Does It Really Have to be “For Life”?

Diagnosis or Dynamics? Does It Really Have to be “For Life”?

Diagnosis or Dynamics? There is a meme going around that says “Before diagnosing yourself as depressed make sure you’re not simply surrounded by assholes”. And while I don’t agree with calling people names or abusing those who abused us – this meme sort of says a lot about what we…

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Narcissists, Psychopaths and Manipulators

Narcissists, Psychopaths and Manipulators

This is a touchy subject, especially for the Walking Wounded. And for years I felt probably similar to many others. I hated, despised and was disgusted by those who had harmed me physically, sexually, emotionally and psychologically. I was enraged at the realization that first my family could wound me…

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What if Everything We’ve Been Taught About Addiction – Is Wrong?

What if Everything We’ve Been Taught About Addiction – Is Wrong?

Since the days of Carl Jung and Bill W. we’ve been led to believe that “addiction” was some sort of brain disease. And back in those days it made sense because this was really the beginning of anyone asking “Why do some people keep falling down that deep well? Why…

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Getting UNComfortable With Chaos and Crisis

Getting UNComfortable With Chaos and Crisis

Very often as one starts traveling this path from there, where we’ve been, to where we want to be we can find ourselves stuck in patterns of what I call “chronic chaos”. This – chronic chaos – may be that place where “nothing ever seems to go right” or “why…

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Being Helpful or Butting In; How to Tell the Difference

Being Helpful or Butting In; How to Tell the Difference

As one from a background filled with drama, trauma and dysfunction it was challenging to learn how to start stopping the behaviors that perpetuated the patterns of my past. I came up with this to guide me: talking about what I think, feel, do, don’t do, did or want to…

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I Feel Broken …

I Feel Broken …

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It’s In the Story (suffering)

It’s In the Story (suffering)

  I discovered an empowering solution when I understood that my level of suffering was directly related to the story I was telling myself about my circumstances. Was it “horrible” or “unfortunate” that I’d made that mistake? Was it “betrayal” or “their choice” when someone didn’t do as I thought…

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Are You Mad?

Are You Mad?

I’ve often thought that one of the things that would be helpful to teach to both children and adults is to learn how to recognize and resolve those “big feelings”. After all, for survivors of bad things we often end up with lots of big feelings but just as often…

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